The truth is . . .

I miss my fiance like crazy, but I am scared.
I am terrified that he is going to die.
The truth is . . .
I would rather him stay in AIT and be miles away from me
Then come home
Because
I know that when he comes home
Iraq, Iran, Arabie, Wherever
The war zone. It's waiting on him.
Calling out his name.
Seducing him.
Tightening its leash on his neck
Causing his heart to fall over
The truth is . . .
In 2012 he will be deployed
The truth is . . .
We dont know when in 2012
It could be January
It could be December
It could be July
We do not know when
The truth is . . .
I would rather him stay in AIT and be hundreds of miles away from me
I would rather have him keep the distance and be safe than have him home and be gone to war
And its not that I dont want him home
I want nothing more than that
But I am terrified of what might happen when he goes overseas
It's horrible.
I know.
But that's the truth
The closer the 15th comes
The more terrified i become
And the more
The more I'd rather keep him in Oklahoma
Not near me
But far away from war
It makes me want to cry
To ball my eyes out
To curl up in a ball and sleep for an eternity
The truth is . . .
I am terried of losing you

That the grim reaper will come claim your beautiful amazing soul
And steal you away from me, when i need you most.
The truth is . . .
Im scared of getting pregnant

Because I know you be sent away for up to two years
48 months
Deployed, sent away, whatevver, they mean the same.
You wont be with me
You'll miss his first steps
Their first words
The truth is . . .
I'd love to have your baby
Nothing would make me happier
And I know what a proud dad you would be

You would be an amazing father
So tentive
So caring, so good
This will be you-->
You will be the one rubbing my tummy
talking to our baby
If you are still here
the truth is . . .
Im terrified of what it will do to you if I do get pregnant
And then you get deployed
It will just destroy you
And I know it will kill you to be away from her
To miss everything while you are fighting to save this country
And the pathetic bad part is
My mom and dad Its okay for me to pregnant
They say that there are cameras and video tapes
To record all of his firsts
But that is not the same
It is completely different
And that's not the bad part
My parents think I'll pregnant within a year
And within this year you will be deployed
So
I guess the truth is
I am just absolutely scared
There I said it
I am scared out of my mind

And I am flying by the skin of my pants
Just barely hangin on.
Just barely here
THe truth is
I kind of want to just run away
And stop being me
THere
THat dirty secret has been said
And it is all because I am so scared
Scared of everything

And that, that is the truth
Sorry I dumped this here, it hasn't cleared my mind, but it is nice to get my fear off my chest. Thank you for listening :)