I can't let go

I can't let go

You tell me to let go
To release it all
To not hold onto the pain
the fear
the agony
the memories
to let go of all of that
but, if i let it go
I am letting go of me
Those memories
The mistrust
the pain
the hope
the secretism
the optimism
all of that in which you want me to let go
that is me
You want me to let go
For a lil bit of physical joy
One in which I have not experienced
Because you are my first
And it scares
it is new and I don't want to go that far
With just anyone
You say you are not just anyone
But what if you are?
What if this is all just a living in the moment and not forever?
You want me to let go
But I can't let go
And you don't understand
I can't let go
I know you want me to
But I cant.
I'm sorry
I can not let go