Life

I found this on facebook a few weeks back, and it is absolutely correct.

Maybe in the persuit of being liked, of making money, of spending money, of paying bills, of going to class, or just all the hassle and bustle of life, I think, maye we lose sight of that goal in life, to be happy. Now, many have other goals like make a difference, or become a millionare or being a mom or dad, or to be a good older sibling, or to make enough to happy, or whatever our end goal might be. I think we lose sight of this goal: happiness.

I can openly admit, I have lost sight of this goal, many times recently. I get so preoccupied in going to work, going to class, attempting to get my homework done, in attempt to please everyone else in my life, in trying to plan the wedding, stressing about the church, of missing my fiance. All off these things stop me from trying to be happy. I get so stuck in the mud of busy, busy, busy; of work, work, work; that i dont see the rope dangling just above my head, that leads to the sunshines and destress of life.

Like tonight, I have to type 3 pages of my 6-8 page essay that was due yesterday. But, in order to maintain my sanity, I need to write this down. I need to write this down to remind myself that life is more than chores, its more than waddling in the mud and tiring myself out.

My goal in life is to be happy (well my main goal is, if i can accomplish this, i can accomplish the rest of them). And I need to remeber to laugh everyday.

By looking at photos like those that cause me to smile and laugh. I have to remember to do that, and if the only way for me to laugh is to look online, well that's pathetic, but at least it causes me to smile and laugh. Because, laughing and smiling lead to happiness.

They say that <3 love is apart of happiness and good health. I moved out of my parent's house, so maybe I dont quite feel the love as often as I do. Sometimes, I do crave human touch, or any touch (at my apartment animals are not aloud). That is appart of happiness.
Thinking of my fiance helps me to remember the love, but at the end, it really just causes pain and sadness. I miss him so much. My last month of summer was spent with him and work and that was it. It was pure perfection. If everyday could be like that, I would completely do that. But, as we all know, we must prepare for the future. And by going to college, I am trying to do that. (In reality, I just dont want to owe anyone money, so I am taking classes because I won scholarships so pay for my classes and I do not want to ruin my future potential chances at winning scholarships).
But, as i recently learned, not missing him is worse than the pain of missing him. I can't find the icon, but I read an icon that stated: Missing someone is your hearts way of reminding you, you love someone. I wish I had it, and I could post it. But somehow, I guess I've lost it. But I remember the quote and its true. That's why, even when you miss someone, you need to keep missing them, no matter how much it hurts. I have a story for that, maybe I'll tell it later.
But, yes, happiness is the key. And maybe, hopefully, I can find this happiness and keep it. Even with all the busy and work in my life, because I want to find happiness. And yes, maybe it'll be easier to have when my fiance is home and my best friend is out of jail. But right now, I have to try to find happiness before I become succumbed by the stress of it all.
I have to remember to little things in life.

• The small joys like the sunrise,
• the smile a lil kid gets when i give them a sticker,
• the fond look a parent gives their child,
• completing a homework assignment that was hard,
• getting a perfect drawr, the nice old men who go out of their way just to say hi to me,
• my favorite customers,
• the better coworkers who mean so much to me.
• and here's one special to today. One of my best most closest friend told me she missed me, that she woke up thinking about me and that i give her hope in love and everything else. When, I honestly thought this person no longer thought about me. We've been through so much together. Maybe, probably, I'll dedicate a whole post to her. She really means so much to me. I'll tell our story, and that will explain why this meant so much to me. I can't today because its 9:27pm and I have to get up at 6 tomorrow, if i attend english (i doubt i'll have the 3 pages typed, or i'll just stay up until midnight tonight getting it done. but i have to close at the store tomorrow, decisions decisions)
• or maybe the fact that i can feel and have all of my sensations in my body
• that my parents are married
• that at age 18, i am getting married to my first boyfriend whom i only met a few months ago
• that he does love me, and i know that because i told him no sex until marriage, and he never pushes me to that point, never argues it, never any of that. he respects my choice and that means a lot

Not that my life is perfect, but we all have our list of the few good things going on in our life. And, I think, at the end of the day, we all need to remember that.

Quick and easy chocolate?

So while working on homework--well contemplating on how to start my essay, about nature and nurture and substance abuse/addictions, it occured to me to try this to make melted chocolate.
One zip up bag,
two handfulls of chocolate,
two small spoonfuls of sugar
and one spoonful of butter.



A picture of the chocolate, sugar, butter bag, taken using my phone



Another picture, in my fridge, using my phone

 I put the chocolate in the zip up bag then chocolate, butter and sugar all in following that. Next it goes into the fridge while I wait for a pot to boil. That is what I am waiting on now. I don't want to put it in before hand, I am waiting for the water to boil.
  
So now Ive put it in the pot that is not boiling (i got impatient)  and wait a like 5 minutes, maybe less.

And I  take it out and squish it, careful cuz it is hot and get this


Next, I cut a small corner of it it off and I just drew on plates.

 

I used milk chocolate. Next I plan on using white chocolate to see what I can do.
The chocolate is sweet, a lil oily because of the butter, but its good. I've put them both in the freezer. In like an hour or so, I will check them and see if they come off the plates easily.

They do stay on the plates, it takes a small bit of effort to take them off but they are good. The thing is, I forgot all about tempering the chocolate. It's all grainy and stuff. Don't get me wrong it, it was-is good. I have the plates in my fridge and take one off whenever i want some chocolate. But they are far from where I want to be.
Even though I dont really want to, I have to go buy a double boiler that is made for boiling chocolate. And I also want to get some candy molds. So, it was a good and bad experiences. Far from perfect, but there is no such thing  as perfect. Imperfection is perfection.
So, good and bad.
Plus, it kinda melts the bag. I should warn whoever reads this, in case they decide to try it. That is actually the reason I pulled my bag out early. So, ehh, not bad for my first try.

Scared of Losing You

We have been together for 4 months now, but we only spent one month in each others arms. One month that caused me to fall head over heels in love with you. You are my first boyfriend, my first real kiss, my first handholder, my first real boy that actually cared about me. When we first hung out, it was just after my 18^th birthday and when the others ran ahead of us, you looked at me and said, “Tell me about yourself” and that was the beginning of what showed me how you were different. Those simple four words. Before hand, you had been dancing and showing off, and I was impressed and amazed by you. But those four little words are what pulled me in. I looked at the ground, slightly embarrassed and asked, “What is there to tell?” And you smiled at me, and I told you my favorite color and I can’t remember what else.

That night you took me on a ride of my life. I lost my keys, which were in my purse, and you had known that all along. But I didn’t believe you. I didn’t remember where they were at until, my best friend looked in my purse and pulled them out, then I realized, and remembered that they were there. I remembered putting them there. And I felt so ridiculous. Having embarrassed myself in front of you like that. Then we took my younger sister, her best friend, and your best friend out to the middle of nowhere, where we drove around all night long. You cried at the memory of your best friend who had died recently. You told stories about your friend and everything else. Then when I went home, you sent me a text, making sure I made it home safely.

The next night we hung out. Just me and you. We sat on the top of my car and talked. I told you how my first kiss was with a boy who only wanted sex, and then how he tried to get to my sister. I told you how I had never had a boyfriend, how I wasn’t the most popular in school, I told you how my first kiss was by some boy who just wanted sex, and how I believed in no sex until marriage. You told me how you were in popular in school, how you had played football. You were the prince, and I was the peasant on the streets. And yet, you took notice of me, and you were amazed, you didn’t believe me that I was unpopular and ignored at high school. It was just you and me, laying on the top of my car, talking at a park.I had work the next day and had to go home. I dropped you off then took the 30 minute drive home. That night you asked me out in a text, and I screamed in joy with my younger sister. Later on, you would tell me how you had a kid and was engaged and how you wanted to be there for him-her, and how the baby was something you wanted to support, but she, your ex fiance didn't want you in her or the babies life. In the end, she wasn't pregnant, or she was, or she had a miscarriage or it wasn't yours or something. Neither of us knew, because she was constantly changing her story.
The next few weeks flew by. My parents went from hating you to loving you. My dad threatened you, and you didn’t run away. You talked about drugs and how they were bad to my younger sister who wonders about things like that. Your parents loved me, your lil brother did. And even your younger sister who is picky and doesn’t like many people, she even loves me. My parents met yours, and they matched. Our parents so alike, in so many ways. My picky protective younger brother knew you and is glad we are together. I spent the last month of summer between hanging out with you and working. When you came over, you played with my youngest sister. My siblings loved you and they love having you around.
Wow, time has flown. Look at us now. You’re in training for the army. Working and sweating and learning how to shoot guns and how and what to do when you over in Afghanistan. And me, I’m going to college full time, taking a full load on, moved out and now planning to Au Pair in France for a year.
Right now, we write letters, and you call when you can, and sometimes, I miss your call because I am at work, or in class.

Right now, I am scared of losing you. I know you’ll be home for Christmas, but immediately afterwards you want to be sent out to war. You want to go to war, to defend this country. I’m scared of losing you. I’m scared you’ll die while your at war. I’m scared you’ll find another girl while at war, and you’ll remember me, but you won’t love me. I’m scared you’ll fall in love while the guns are being shot and the bombs are going off. I’m scared that the distance will be too much for us. I don’t want to dear john you, I promised you that, I promised myself that. I’m scared that I’ll go to France and will fall in love with someone else, even though I don’t want to. Even though all I want to do is be with you. I’m scared of losing you.
Long distance relationships are hard. Not many can make it. I've heard the stories. Even my Mom has said that they are, damn near impossible to do. She admits that my dad and her would be having a hard time dong what we are doing. I hope we can, because I’m scared of losing you. And, I dont want to lose you. You opened a world up to me.You proved that there are good men out there. And now, I am scared of losing you.


I submited this to Le Love. I changed some words, took some out, added some. But this is the basic story I sent her. And it is completely true. I thought I'd post it because I did submit to her, whether or not she posts it, I dunno. I just barely sent it to her today. But it is mine, and it's my story. Its how I feel about my boyfriend. And it is completely true.